Little Old Lady in Court
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,
when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so ‘spicy’ that I just laid down and told him
‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘ April Fool!’ And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!
Joke of the Day!
Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ……do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ……do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America …….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..
Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Thought for the day!
You don’t have to steal the show, the show was yours to begin with!
Difference Between Grandma and Grandpa!
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is? Well here it is: A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time – just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather. ‘Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?’ ‘Oh yes, Papa’ the girl replied, and do you know what? We didn’t see a single asshole, dumb bastard, dipshit or horse’s ass anywhere we went today!’
Joke of the day!
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?’ The other blonde turns and says
‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????’
Joke for the Day!
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
